No Man's Land

The guy next to me at work today is muttering again, at me, at himself, we trade insults for fun, and basically bicker like two year olds..he's like the little brother you always wanted and was glad you didn't have because he's so time consuming..but your life at work is so aimless that you welcome anything to make the day go faster. Everyone once in awhile I turn to him and say 'What, you still talking?'
So, I've spent some time telling you about LA and why I was turned off on the Entertainment Biz. Maybe I should explain what life was like after I left LA and went back to College that year...
Hellish, for years- okay since I was 16 I had dreamed of getting into film and changing people, society, the world through my work... I went out to Hollywood and discovered there was no place for a person with those kind of dreams, goals, or ambitions. Maybe my idea was too big, maybe I was too ambitious, but I found that not only were people in Hollywood-ignorant of the world. They saw themselves as the world, they really thought that what they wore, who they talked to, and what they did with their lives meant something.
And you know what? Sometimes they do something meaningful that gives people hope or relieves them from a stressful week at work. We watch the movies and shows to forget about our lives but when the camera shuts off, our lives keep going...we still have our Cancer, our wars, our break-ups, our pain, and if they did something good in the process, it almost seems to be because the system failed somehow-

I asked my supervisor about this at E! She said the whole industry was tainted with debauchery, egotism, and stratified. People always said it had to break, things would change, but they never did...she was basically saying 'accept the biz, or go home, kid.' I didn't go home, I never returned to a more childlike self that believed in the infinite possibilities of life.

I went to college that year feeling lost, scared, and confused. I embarked on a journey to find myself, I cried, I worked out like crazy, 9/11 hit and I found a new sense of fear and confusion. My parent's were supposed to go through New York that day and they would have been in New York at the time of the attacks if they're schedule had not been changed. The third plane went down 10 minutes from where they live in Somerset, PA.

I got ahold of them about an hour after the attacks, unfortunately some idiot called a bomb threat into our school so we were evacuated from the campus. I left with my best friend Blanka Kryszak. We went to McDonald's then Wal-Mart to stock up on essentials.

It sounds ridiculous but less than two hours after the attacks-you believe anything is possible, maybe this is it, everyone could die, or your other loved ones could be next, we didn't know how far the plan stretched- how complex the terrorist's moves were....

In the following days a girl at my school was assaulted based on race? She said two guys came out of nowhere on the street outside the school and attacked her. Later people said she was crazy and just wanted attention, who knows...I really don't have any idea.

Other students stocked up on gas because they were worried about gas prices going up or worse all the gas supplies drying up...we watched the Telethon on the TV at a friend's house while a girl-who I am no longer friend's with-screamed that she didn't know anyone in New York or DC and could give a shit about the stupid Telethon. Sometimes people really fail to impress you with their ability to care for others-or grasp of a situation's meaning.

Two days later a girl in one of my classes told us that she had studied wars in the U.S. and the propaganda behind them. She said we deserved what had happened to us for our actions in other countries.. I told her that if the people(Islamic Fundamentalists) we believed committed these attacks had indeed committed them:this war was social, political, and religious. I told her that-very calmly- that she had oversimplified a very complex situation. She was numb. The whole room was silent.

I only knew that much from a previous class I took on U.S. intervention in other countries over the last 100 years. The best example I knew was from Cairo, Egypt with it's wealthy westernized upper classes and starving over educated angry masses where Islamic Fundamentalism had become a savior to the people's resentment. The terrorists don't just fight us, they fight the wealthy upperclass in their own country who ignore their struggle.

9/11 served to solidify my need and thirst for something that meant more to people. I wanted to spend my life in way that seemed less frivolous than before and more worthwhile...

(to be continued.)